What do I want to be?
I just got back from a few days in Belize.. thought that I would get away and get some vacation before starting my new job today. My goal.. scuba.. sun.. drinking.. In all three of these things I succeeded…
But I ended up with more than I bargained for. Not that I should have been surprised. Whenever I travel.. especially whenever I travel internationally.. for better or for worse,. I tend to become very introspective.. especially the more that I spend time getting to know people.
When I first started traveling after my divorce, I spent almost all my time alone. I rented a car, drove from place to place, and then got on a plane and went home. But lately I’ve been traveling by bus or train.. staying places where there are large groups of people.. and taking the time to meet people. In India.. Egypt.. Turkey.. it’s been a great experience.. meeting both locals and fellow travelers.
This time.. I met a couple on their honeymoon.. just starting off their life.. setting their priorities. I met a man from the US who started a restaurant along the beach.. I met a couple that had come together from two different countries.. the US and Columbia.. to build a life together. And I started to ask myself.. what should I be doing with my life?
Most people seem to get this wanderlust out of their system early on.. like this lady I met from Vancouver that had traveled Asia and Africa and had now settled in Belize with her eight year old daughter. But.. for better or for worse.. I did my decade of settling down right out of college.. and now what? Maybe it’s a good thing.. maybe I’m older and wiser when I begin my journey.. then again.. maybe I’ll never start..
I think I’ve done a lot in my life.. I’ve traveled.. I’ve written two novels.. I have a relatively successful career.. but I find myself wanting more.. not more stuff.. I’m actually going in the other direction on that.. but more .. experience..
What do I want to be?
I want to be creative.. I want to write.. I want to experience something more than the corporate world.. I want to give back.. I want to help.. I want to be international.. I want to live.. and while I don’t want to live in the five star world.. I don’t want to live out of a backpack either.. I want to be comfortable. Above all.. I really do want to share it with someone else…
So how do I start? Can I? I don’t think It’s too late.. but what do I give up to get there? My job.. my stuff.. my comfort zone.. ? And will I succeed? And what's the backup plan if it doesn't? Should there be one? Maybe not.. maybe that's part of the adventure...
Thoreau said that he didn’t want to look back on life and find that he had not lived.. I don’t either.. like the young couple I met.. I need to set my priorities.. and then go after them.. I need to bridge different worlds like the other couple.. but maybe I need to pick a place to call home at some point too.. like the man from the US... even if.. or maybe especially if.. it's an international place.
I know what I want to be.. I’m just not sure the path to get there.. and that makes me afraid to take the first step. But like any of my travels.. once I’m out the door.. it all seems to work out. Maybe I just need to open the door.. to go.. and see what happens.
And maybe.. just maybe.. I’ll meet someone along the way…
After reading this, I believe you are well on your way to becoming the person you want to be. I believe you always knew, you just had a few, shall we say "detours" along the way. Society defines what we must and must not do when we are young. We go to high school, we go to college, we get married and not necessarily in that order. So, when things do not go to "societies" plan, I think we second guess ourselves. Some of us are never so lucky as to figure it out in our lifetimes.
As we grow up, we definitely grow wiser. We redefine who we are and what really matters in life.
Does that mean giving it all up? I don't necessarily believe so. Not unless you feel the need to do so. You can do so much with where you are. You can lead by example, touch the lives of those you come in contact with. As you blog about those you have met. Think about the impact you have made on their lives as well. So, in fact you have started to give back, be international, and do more than just be corporate. So, while you are leary of taking that first step, you have done so. That is why I like this quote so well. "To the world you might be one person, but to one person you just might be the world." You may have impacted someone somewhere and not even realized it yet. So, continue to put one foot in front of the other... and maybe just maybe you will meet that someone you are looking for.
And if God closes the door,NEVER give up. Go to the window. The view is different but just as beautiful from there as well.
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Thanks for the encouragement..
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