Making Something Out of Nothing
I was riding my motorcycle on the highway a couple of weeks ago, into a headwind.. a really strong, gusty headwind.. and it kicked my ass. I mean really kicked my ass. I had to get off the highway for a while and take a break before I rode the rest of the way home.
And it wasn't just the physical action of the wind.. although that was what got it started.. but after a while, it was the mental exhaustion.. you just don't feel like riding into this same wind for another 30 miles...
Same kind of thing when I tried to take my boat across the Bay for the July 4th fireworks. 35 knots of wind coming under the Golden Gate.. and about 3/4 of the way to Alcatraz.. I just got tired of the wind and the waves bouncing the boat around. I had others on board.. and if the engine had started acting up it would have been trouble.. so a large part of it was safety.. but there was also the element of .. I just got tired of it.
Alaska kind of did that too me.. the weather.. the job.. the relationship.. so I left.. there was nothing really there for me but the scenery anyway.. and in the end.. I was just tired.. done...
And now at my job, I often feel beset by forces no one else sees.. much like the wind.. they kick my ass.. and I get back up.. but after a while.. I gotta admit.. I just get tired of fighting.. and for what? For the opportunity to work my ass off? Why should I have to fight for that anyway?
Sometimes I think it would be easier to have a job.. or a hobby.. where you could see what you were up against.. something like cutting down trees.. or moving rocks.. here's the forest .. or the pile.. you know what it's going to take.. and there it is. I think it's often the unknown that wears me out.. what will happen next?
But then again.. it's the unknown that fascinates me.. what is around the next turn in the road.. or past that island.. or what will happen if I make this call...?
So .. in the end.. I'll keep riding.. and sailing.. and working.. buffeted by those invisible winds.. including the winds of change.. and those forces that are beyond my control..
Who knows.. maybe I'm just making something out of nothing...
And it wasn't just the physical action of the wind.. although that was what got it started.. but after a while, it was the mental exhaustion.. you just don't feel like riding into this same wind for another 30 miles...
Same kind of thing when I tried to take my boat across the Bay for the July 4th fireworks. 35 knots of wind coming under the Golden Gate.. and about 3/4 of the way to Alcatraz.. I just got tired of the wind and the waves bouncing the boat around. I had others on board.. and if the engine had started acting up it would have been trouble.. so a large part of it was safety.. but there was also the element of .. I just got tired of it.
Alaska kind of did that too me.. the weather.. the job.. the relationship.. so I left.. there was nothing really there for me but the scenery anyway.. and in the end.. I was just tired.. done...
And now at my job, I often feel beset by forces no one else sees.. much like the wind.. they kick my ass.. and I get back up.. but after a while.. I gotta admit.. I just get tired of fighting.. and for what? For the opportunity to work my ass off? Why should I have to fight for that anyway?
Sometimes I think it would be easier to have a job.. or a hobby.. where you could see what you were up against.. something like cutting down trees.. or moving rocks.. here's the forest .. or the pile.. you know what it's going to take.. and there it is. I think it's often the unknown that wears me out.. what will happen next?
But then again.. it's the unknown that fascinates me.. what is around the next turn in the road.. or past that island.. or what will happen if I make this call...?
So .. in the end.. I'll keep riding.. and sailing.. and working.. buffeted by those invisible winds.. including the winds of change.. and those forces that are beyond my control..
Who knows.. maybe I'm just making something out of nothing...
You my friend have just described the wonderful world of teaching. There are days, when you go in not knowing what is around the corner. The battles some teachers face are far greater than others. To me, that is the greatest part of the job. It is battling the wind, the rain, the seas to reach the final destination. Often times, the outcome is something others will not see. There are days, I am dead tired, grumpy and down right nasty. For what? To hear a child say two words. Something a doctor said would not happen. If it something you are truly passionate about, you may take your butt kickings, but it is what makes you a better and wiser human. It is what makes us better at what we do. We may change our physical surroundings but you cannot change what makes us who we are. Time make us wiser, circumstance makes us more cautious, but we are who we are.
If you had a hobby or profession where the outcome was known, you would truly not be happy. It would be mundane. There would be no guesswork, no what if's, nothing to ponder or to write about. The what if I make that call would have a definitive answer and life would have an answer that has been written about. Who wants their life already written?
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Enjoy... and good luck..
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