Why does it seems sometimes that we have to struggle to do the things we want to do...while ending up in a life of what comes easy for us.. but yet fails to satisfy?

Until I started writing, I never really considered myself a creative person.  Having gone to college for biology, technical writing came easily, but when I started creative writing.. it was truly a struggle at first.  I'd always wanted to be a more creative person, but didn't know if I had it in me.  Which then amazed me when I met people that were extremely good at the arts.. and yet either didn't realize it or didn't take advantage of it.  

I started thinking about this a few weeks back when I struck up a conversation with a woman at a diner who turned out to be a fellow writer. She was telling me about the character in the book she's working on, and as I listed to her explain his quirks and twists, I found myself thinking, damn.. that's creative.  I wished I had developed a character so interesting.  I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way.  Years ago I heard an interview with Steve Perry, then lead singer for Journey (OK.. I guess that was many years ago..) and he commented on times when he's driving down the road listening to the radio and thinks, "wow..I wish I had written that song."  So while even creative folks can appreciate other's creativity.. and we can't be inspired to do everything.. it just seems like some of us have to pull a little harder than others...

When I was in college a took a class call Photography for Field Biologists. There was one woman in the class.. I can't even recall her name anymore.. she had never done much photography before, even had to borrow her brother's old camera, but she took the best pictures in the class.  It drove me nuts.. me with my camera and all my lenses.  Everyone would follow her on field trips and try to take the same shots she did.. but they never looked the same.. she just had an eye for it.. pure inspiration.  And she never planned to pick up a camera again after the class was over.

So there's inspiration.. perspiration.. and sometimes.. desperation..  I just wonder where I fit in sometimes...

I knew a woman that got a degree in violin.. even went on to start her masters.. but dropped out because it felt that while she had mastered the mechanics of it.. she never felt inspired.  Sometimes.. I know the feeling..

But even if it's pure inspiration.. what then?  I've often asked many of my friends whether they think that if you could do that which excites you full time as a job... would it be fun all the time.. or still feel like a job?  Maybe the true excitement of writing.. or anything creative.. is felt when you have to sneak it in on the side... to squeeze time out of a busy corporate life to express yourself creatively.  Would I want to sing the same songs in a Broadway musical for ten years three or four times a week every week?  Probably not.. it'd probably drive me nuts.. So when I long to leave the corporate world and just write.. I wonder if I'd still feel that creative excitement.. or would it become a job.  Maybe I'm better off where I am right now...?  Or maybe that's just the desperation speaking..

Is it spark or sweat?  Love or labor?  Work or wonder..?  Time will tell.....