I was reading Rilke for the first time this weekend (I'm ashamed to say), Letters to a Young Poet.  I know.. I should have read this a long time ago... but it seems that I'm always playing catch up with some aspect of my life or another...

But I digress....

Letter four in particular struck me, as I'm sure it has many others before me.  In particular, the recommendation to Kappus that he "try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue."

Try to love the questions themselves... my initial reaction to this was a note of panic... How can one love the questions without having some plan to answer them...?

Especially at this point in my life.. with my writing uncertain.. my job uncertain.. the numbers of questions seems overwhelming.  How does one deal with that?  I need answers.. not more questions...

I've actually been involved in an ongoing debate/discussion about this aspect of my nature.  You see, in my day job, I'm officially (or was.. and probably soon will be) an environmental planner.   I admit.. I am a planner.. in most every aspect of my life.  Not that I don't like to be spontaneous... and when I travel overseas, I have only a vague notion of where I'll be next (although my copy of Lonely Planet is always close at hand).   But when it comes to my life, I plan... my bills are paid, no credit card debit... and when I move from one state to another.. I've always got another job lined up... I'll leave one job on Friday and start the new one on Monday.. let's face it.. I plan...

Is that a bad thing?  Probably not.. it's responsible.. but is it creative?  Does it foster my imagination?  Probably not.. and that's a loss...

I've known people that take a year ...or more.. off.. or take months in between jobs and just wander and experience.  Sounds great.   When I first got laid off, I wondered whether the universe was trying to tell me to do the same thing.. but inevitably.. my planning nature got the better of me and started lining up interviews... which means I'll probably be back to work shortly. 

I suppose that's a good thing.. and responsible.. but I'll miss wondering about the potential lost...

I need to learn to love the questions.. to feel comfortable with it.. I hope someday to leave the corporate world... and then write and sail.. but I'll need to learn to stop planning so much before I do that..

Rilke went on to tell Kappus, "Do not now seek the answers, which cannot now be given you because you would not be able to live them.  And the point is, to live everything.  Live the questions now."

Some good advice that...