When I was in  India last November, I bought myself a feng shui bracelet.  It's made of alternating beads of carnelian and turquoise.  I haven't had it off my wrist since the day I put it on in Delhi.  There were many different bracelets in the shop, made of many different minerals.  I looked through them all, examining the colors and textures.. and the one that I picked.. well.. I didn't chose it for the colors.. although I liked them.. I made a conscious choice to pick something that would help me in my life.. at least I hoped it would.

The turquoise, you see, is for creativity.  An obvious choice for a writer.  And I feel it helped.  Since I've returned from India, I've written about 35,000 words of An American Crusade in about three months.  I feel pretty good about that.

As for the carnelian.. well.. it's for change.  I know I need some... I know that the changes in my life in the past have led to better futures.. but the process of change.. well.. I didn't see this coming...

So last Friday.. I became another victim of the economy, and was laid off from my day job.  Wow.. beware of what you wish for, I suppose...

Is it a good thing?  A bad thing..?  I'm not quite sure yet...

When I got divorced.. I had a tough two years afterward... but in the end.. as much as I hate to say this about the end of any marriage.. it was a good thing for me.  I saw the world in a new light.. less black and white and more gray.  I traveled, I started writing, I left Michigan.. all things that I'm grateful for now.  I'm a better person than I was before.

A couple of years ago, I went through a similar, although not as serious, job change... At the time it hit me hard, but it led to traveling and meeting a lot of new people and more career opportunities... so it was good too...

And now this.. 

I keep telling myself that, like these past changes, this is another opportunity for me.  My mind has been spinning this weekend as I consider all the new paths laid out before me.  Will I go back into my previous field..?  Probably.. I know it.. I know people in it.. and it pays the bills while I write...

But then again.. maybe I should just write.  Maybe the universe is telling me to focus on what I really want to do.  Maybe...

At the PNWA conference last summer, Bod Dugoni talked about how he quit his job for a year just to write.. and now that's all he does.  Is this just the kick in the ass I need...?

The thought both scares and thrills me.. like a roller coaster of life.  I'm just not sure whether I have the endurance it takes to face the next twelve months were I to make that decision.. I've just never done anything like it before...

Then again.. maybe that's exactly why I should....

I'm standing on the edge of something new.. changes.. and who knows what the future will hold..?

Alex commented on my blog last week.. about just standing still and listeing to the deeper meaning gliding silently beneath the surface... I've never done that... and that thought has been on my mind all weekend...

Deep breath.. tilt my head back.. close my eyes.. and listen....

I wonder what I'll hear...?